Josh and I's two year anniversary is today and it's insane how two years can feel like twenty! Getting married, having a baby, and simply living life together has been filled with untold joy and also inexplicable heart ache at times. Marriage most certainly has the highest of highs, but can be really hard.
Lately, I've been struggling with the "I don't have to do nothing for you I don't feel like doing cause' you aren't the boss of me and I have a daughter and a job" (deep breath) "blues." Not only is this unhealthy because it tells Josh he isn't a priority. But, it's also unhealthy because it propels a cycle of disrespect, contempt, miscommunication, and frustration that will loop like a merry go round' until someone decides to put their big girl or big boy panties on and grow up.
Sunday night I was faced with (what felt like) the hardest decision I've ever had to make. It was 4am (my usual bedtime) and I had to decide on weather to pre-make Josh's breakfasts and lunches for the week or to say "screw it" and hop into my warm, soft, loving and inviting bed leaving him with no food for the next day. As I'm weighing my options, I'm seeing internal game film of all the wrong he's ever done. From our dating life to our marriage. I'm thinking... "Why in the WORLD would I get LESS sleep to make this guy breakfast when he rolled his eyes at me 1 year and 3 months ago??" I'm pumping myself up and desperately trying to justify why he doesn't deserve for me to put in effort over his meals for the next few days.
Suddenly, a still quiet voice. "Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:45. UGHHHHHHH Doesn't the Holy Spirit just get on your nerves sometimes.
My mind started spinning. If Jesus was the one in the other room instead of Josh I would be in the kitchen whipping up the biggest breakfast i'd ever made. The house would smell like bacon grease and I'd be whipping that pancake batter like you'd never seen, and working up a sweat too! I wouldn't be second guessing whether He [Jesus] deserved it or not.
"Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matthew 25:45.
Sometimes a husband can feel like "the least of these." However, I'm learning more every day that your "feelings" shouldn't dictate your actions. I realized that what I'm doing to and for Josh, I'm doing to and for Jesus. When I changed my mindset to believe that I was in fact, meal prepping for Jesus, it filled me with so much more joy and passion for making breakfast burritos than I had ever had.
So that's the point. If we treated our husbands, friends, neighbors, and families like they were in fact, Jesus, I'm pretty sure it would be a lot more exciting to serve them. Today Josh and I are celebrating the completion of two years of marriage. In this year three I'm making a resolution to treat Josh a lot more like I would treat Jesus if He were the one leaving underwear on 'my side' of the room. I'm sure I'll fail a few times, but I'm also sure the mindset change will lead to lasting change.
Besides, there has been so much good to think on. That one time in 2012 when he ignored my call, hold's NO weight to the true, noble, right, pure, lovely, and admirable moments we've shared in our two years of marriage.
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable--if anything is excellent or praiseworthy--think about such things. " - Philippians 4:8
Happy Two Years Josh!